My (Unexpected) Sabbatical as a High School Sub

1.

I've worked as a freelance writer/editor almost exclusively since 2010 in dermatology and aesthetic medicine. The work has always found me, which, frankly, has made it easy(ish) to make a living this way.

Until recently.

Right now, I’m an occasional substitute teacher in jobless limbo. What’s that feel like, you ask? I call these the stages of unemployment grief:

1. Shock and disbelief: Wonders – what do I do now? Time for a career change?
2. Fear: Preps for worst-case scenario – Mom and Dad, we might need your spare bedroom.
3. Panic: Applies for jobs willy-nilly. Then declines interviews. Changed my mind.
4. Self-persuasion: Pep talks for the positive - A couple of months without an income will be okay. (Pictures losing everything. Still spends money. Continues the internal battle that rages over survival.)
5. Acceptance: Lets go of planning every part of the day to balance work, kids, dogs, gym, errands, chores, etc. Wow. Is this what life *could* be like?

It may look like a nice, neat staged progression, but it was anything but: There was anguish; there were tears; there may have even been gnashing of teeth. The hopelessness was real.

It was a mashup of emotions that entangled my role (and responsibility) as head of household, mother, homeowner, and all the other things that require time, attention, and, importantly, an income.

But herein is where I found my turning point: I didn't have all three—time, attention, income—available all the time for everything. I generally prioritized income because, well, without that we might not have a roof overhead. However, that also meant I didn't always have time and attention for other things.

My parents always reminded us as kids that money isn’t everything. And I know that. I don’t have a luxury car or take fancy vacations. Those have never been a priority. But I have lived in fear of not having enough of a safety net to be able to feel comfortable and confident in the day-to-day.

Since the work has dried up, I’ve had the time—and taken the time—to think, to understand, to be mindful about where I am and what I really need. And then I came across this quote from Jericho Silvers:

"Whether we like it or not, money is one of the most important things in our lives. It is a symbol of flow—of being able to give and receive things in life and life itself. Being wise with it is being wise with life. Be mindful on how it comes and goes in your life."

A zen perspective, to be sure, and one that gives me pause: money as a symbol of flow. It comes and it goes. It’s not something to be imprisoned by. And if you are, you’re probably not at peace.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not recommending being unemployed. BUT if you ever find yourself in that situation (and you aren’t totally desperate for an income), there is that proverbial silver lining.

So here I am today, recalibrating my career. Updating my portfolio. Hoping it drums up some writing (or other) prospects so that I can get to that place where money comes and goes and yet not feel imprisoned by it. 

For now, I'll gladly take my unplanned sabbatical as an occasional high school substitute teacher to continue to figure it all out.